Chapter 5 | To Break The Ego You Have to Break The Person
The Unconventional Series
If you are new here, please see my previous newsletter for context and the first story. Please click here for Chapter 1 of Viren Vaz.
After a few months break, Viren began woodwork workshops in October 2017. He transformed his bedroom into a makeshift studio, naming his venture 'V for Wood.' His bed, which he built, was ingeniously designed to fold away, creating an open space perfect for classes. Students from his network and social media channels enrolled, paying ₹ 4000 each for a two-weekend course. Viren invested about ₹ 1 lakh in tools and, limited by space, could only teach three students at a time, making around ₹ 24,000 per month.
A year later, Viren found a bigger space for ₹ 30,000 per month. As a token of support, his mother paid the rent for the first year. His parents also helped set up the new place, painting and furnishing it. When I asked if wasn’t he lucky with such supportive parents, Viren said, "I always had the financial cushion from my parents. I just had to set my ego aside and do what I wanted."
By June 2018, the new workshop, 42B, was up and running with eight students per class throughout the week. Viren taught the basics of woodworking: tool usage, wood types, and their characteristics. Students created various items, from carved wood blocks to shelves and boxes. The space became a community hub where people hung out and crafted wood objects. Viren earned on an average ₹ 1 lakh monthly from his workshops and teaching, maintaining a financial safety net that brought him peace of mind. Reflecting on his journey, Viren says,
"I didn't have a plan when I quit my job. I believe if you want to do something, start from the basics. Just do it, and eventually, you’ll figure out the next step. It’s impossible to see the end goal from the start. People look for a business plan, but it’s not possible initially. The business works because you make it work."
He would be at the workshops from morning to night. He often brought his son to the workshop on weekends. He met people seeking alternatives to the typical 9-to-5 and weekend mall life, receiving invitations to teach woodworking at farmhouses in Karjat or Shahpur. Although he was tempted, ongoing classes and responsibilities at home prevented him from accepting these opportunities. The missing of these opportunities and the diminishing time with his son began to weigh on him. Despite his contentment with his work, he realized his freedom mirrored the constraints of a 9-to-5 job.
In August 2019, his wife announced she was going to Wales, England for a three-year PhD program on scholarship but needed financial help with the visa. This news shocked Viren, making him question their relationship's transition from friends to mere roommates. However, he saw this as a chance to experiment with his son’s education. He helped her with the visa, and she left for Wales in September 2019, continuing to take care of her part of the household finances.
In January 2020, a student introduced Viren to the concept of ‘unschooling’ and connected him with Sachin Adhikari, who lived in a forest house in Shahpur, Maharashtra. Sachin invited him to attend the Learning Societies unConference in Udaipur, Rajasthan, organized by Manish Jain, founder of Swaraj University. Viren bought his tickets for February 2020.
One day in mid-January 2019, the doorbell rang. Viren opened the door to find his wife, who had returned from Wales finding it too lonely, thus switching her PhD program to a remote setting. She soon left for a week-long trip. Viren realized their open marriage had run its course, and it was time to separate formally. They informed their parents and son about the divorce. His parents were in disbelief, having never suspected any problems. Viren recalled, "My parents had no clue about our broken marriage. Just before we told them about the divorce, we were dancing and talking together at our son's communion party. It wasn't a show; it was normal for us because the knife had been twisted and turned years back. This was just the final chapter of the play ‘Family’ that we had been running for years. Now, we both agreed it was time to move on."
They applied for divorce, with Viren becoming the primary caretaker of their son while his wife agreed to contribute financially to the upbringing of their son. In February 2020, Viren attended the unConference in Udaipur, a three-day event with 800 participants. There, participants in the group decided the breakfast menu and cooked it with one head chef, anyone could take classes by booking time on a whiteboard with an agenda. Viren took classes on Thai massage, and alternative schooling locations in Tamil Nadu, Why use money? and expressive dance. He met people travelling globally by exchanging services for food and lodging. Folks doing cross-country trips in their car. These experiences inspired him, revealing the multitude of things he could do.
He observed the confidence of unschooled children. An example that he remembers profoundly while coming back is as the train stopped at a station, a 10-year-old got down alone, went to a stall, bought snacks and came back. The confidence portrayed in this act was something he knew you couldn’t get in a schooled kid from Bombay. Viren decided to unschool his son and travel, teaching woodworking along the way. He completed his last classes, shut down the workshop, and sold most of his tools to travel light. He started deconstructing the fundamentals - what society tells I need? And what do I actually need?
He asked his son if he wanted to stop school, and his son eagerly agreed. They obtained the school leaving certificate and semi-moved into his parents' place. Once the first lockdown ended in June 2020, they moved to the forest house ‘Mohraan’ in Shahpur, invited by Sachin, to learn unschooling and teach woodworking in exchange for food and accommodation.
My readers might think it was easy for Viren to create his own path because he had resources—living in Bombay with a readymade base of customers for woodwork and parents to take care of his son. But many of us have similar resources still we are stuck. The primary blocker is often ourselves, surrendering to the fear of discomfort and the unknown. We don't take the first step. Viren took years to overcome his fear of discomfort, set aside his ego, and ask for help.
"In the beginning, it was 'I won’t take money from my parents.' To break that ego, you have to break that person. If you’re going to do something on your own, you have to be prepared to say you need help. I’m trying to go against society, but I need society’s help. Yes, I had great resources, but until I went looking for them, I would have never known they were there. And to look for the resources, I had to break my ego and admit I wasn't as strong or independent as I thought. Asking my parents for money to set up my workshop was possible because my ego was broken by my marriage."
I ask him ‘Why didn't he dip into his savings instead of asking for money from his parents?’ Viren explains that at the time, he believed savings—FDs, MFs, PPFs—shouldn't be touched until retirement. It's only now, in 2024, that he has changed his mindset, realizing that who is he saving for? It’s not just for the future but for living in present too and so has started using his savings.
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