I never thought about this question until three years ago when I started living a slower life in the mountains. Previously, I always asked myself questions like, "Do I know my friend, my partner, my mother?" But asking, "Do I know myself?" felt irrelevant. Don’t we all know ourselves—our strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, and motivations? However, these are all good interview or icebreaker questions, just a drop in the ocean of self. It was only when I started digging into the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of my attributes that I began to understand myself better like Why do I have an anxious relationship with money? How has it shaped my life for better and for worse?
At any given moment, there are a multitude of thoughts running through my mind—some I ignore, some are too dominant to ignore, some surprise me, some take me down a rabbit hole, and some are plain mundane. Previously, I was always disengaged from these thoughts by my work, online consumption, socializing, travelling or anything else. I say ‘disengaged’ because, in the name of engagement, I was just keeping myself occupied to avoid engaging with myself - the thoughts that dictates my actions every second and shape my belief system.
In a slower life, the distractions are fewer, so I could listen my thoughts and give it the due attention. I started journaling, albeit inconsistently. Only when the thoughts became overwhelming did I write to gain clarity. I then began using my key skill as a user researcher—crafting the right questions—and started role-playing, where I was both the client and the therapist. I asked myself questions to uncover the origins of my thoughts. I realized that what I knew about myself were facts, not truths. Facts help in living, but truth helps in living to your potential.
Here are some of my truths, which are a work in progress:
Anxious relationship with money: Any event where I have to spend a considerable amount of money makes me anxious—leading to bowel movements, worry, and loops of thought.
Flexibly inflexible: I am open to change, but the new change becomes a routine that if disturbed makes me angry because I am obsessed with structure.
Finishing checklists: If I make a checklist, I am obsessed with finishing it regardless of the time, often hampering other important tasks.
Pragmatism over imagination: My pragmatism leaves little room for imagination to do its magic in real life.
Selfishness over compassion: I am more selfish than compassionate, especially towards my inner circle.
Preacher over practitioner: I tend to preach more than practice because I want to spread all the good things I learn, quickly within my network.
Knowing oneself is not a pleasant task. Unlike online psychology tests or astrological charts that feel exciting, working on self-awareness is very uncomfortable. There is a lot of internal resistance because it requires focused effort and understanding the bad, the ugly, and the dark, which is often self-contradicting. Hence, it is also important to define a limit to self-awareness to avoid falling out of love with oneself. After all, life is about striking the right balance.
What are your truths?
P.S: Two books that you can read on self-awareness are ‘On the Shortness of Life by Seneca’ and ‘Meditations by Marcus Aurelius’.
Support ‘Reflections from The Lost Indian Millennial’
Ways to support:
Share this email/article
If you liked it even 1%, Press the ❤️ button on this article